The clock is ticking down to what is certain to be the epic climax, not only to what has been the most fabulous year for me personally, but also one of the most memorable moments for any mother.
My eldest son, and his fiancé, who live in Hollywood, (not in the profession-but perfect place for my one time thespian son to find himself) and whom I very seldom get to see, (going on three years now), have their rescheduled wedding planned for December 11th, in Excaret, Mexico.(Fingers crossed it doesn’t get cancelled again.)
I should be excited, overjoyed, elated, but instead, the last week I find myself each morning running from, at times, the most suffocating sensation of anxiety.
One time, never an emotion I ever even experienced, free spirit open and uninhibited to all challenges. After my six year “sentence,” otherwise known as my life in Oklahoma City, and all the stress and trauma that was inflicted, from the nursing profession, but also because of the issues and behaviors I was dealing with from my youngest son at the time, it became an immobilizing sentiment.
Fifteen years to heal and move past what I thought was all of it, clearing my psyche of so much negative baggage, these moments are taking me quite by surprise. Each moment, this sensation in the pit of my chest trying to choke me of life. Rob me of the enjoyment of anticipation.
I know this is the last go round though. I know once I make it through this, that chapter of my life will be closed forever. Moving on to much more beautiful and creative times, way beyond my wildest imagination.
The key now though, … is getting there.
A little more than three weeks to go! Departure date, December 9th, approaching quickly. Suitcase on the spare bed, already starting to be packed. I am trying to alleviate any last minute flare ups by being as prepared as I can be.
Once I’m there, I know it will be one of the most fabulous moments of my lifetime. Spent with my daughter, who is traveling with me, and one of my other sons and his girlfriend. The other son in the Navy, unable to get away. Five days with my family on the Gulf of Mexico, in the most glorious setting, participating in my eldest son’s wedding, sure to be magickal.
My primary goal at hand is to keep my nerves calm and my mind at ease. My plan of action, be at peace. Live in the moment.
I have made arrangements for care of all of the animals in our Oasis. Have plans to stay with my stepson and wife near the airport the night before. Checked and rechecked my flight schedule and baggage and covid restrictions. Everything that physically needs to be done is taken care of.
Beyond that, start my day with meditation and prayer.
Write every morning, either in my journal, or in my blog. Keeps my nerves calm.
Don’t place unnecessary expectations on myself. Do only that which absolutely needs to be done. Don’t procrastinate in doing it.
Eat as healthy and “clean” as I can. Which to me means no caffeine, (gave up my daily cup of coffee last week), cut out all sugar, and no alcohol. Also, drink my daily intake of water-at least 8 cups.
Pay attention to the world around me. And enjoy the beauty in nature. I type this as I watch two white tailed deer leaping up the hill behind my now bare Mystical Forest. There to perhaps remind me to be gentle and kind not only to others, but perhaps more importantly, to myself.
Exercise daily. Typically meaning to get to the gym to lift weights. But, yoga, and cardio are thrown in the mix as well. Usually everyday. Usually in a varied combination, including a walk through our Oasis when the weather is permissive.
Be creative. Do the things that bring me joy, whether it is cooking or cross-stitch, late fall garden work, decorating the house for the holidays. All the things that inspire and uplift.
In other words, Nurture my mind, body, and soul in all ways I know how.
This will pass, and on the other side, I will have grown stronger and my soul will be even more at peace. Best of all, I will be sitting on the white sandy beaches of southeast Mexico, thanking God for all the beautiful blessings be has bestowed upon me.
For I don’t need to be perfect. I am human, my range of emotions making it so. I will be as kind and as loving as I can be to all, most especially myself. For I know, life is one crazy magickal ride, and I need to make the most of it because … The Revolution Begins With Me.