What Will It Take?

I find myself asking this frequently, yet deep inside I know the answer. It will come from a spiritual level rather than physical. But, for now, I tap into the logical side of my brain and ponder the question. But first, a story.

Most don’t understand what I mean when I say I live my life from a spiritual place, but I mention that in explaining WHY I moved to Oklahoma.

I was living in Minneapolis in 1999, with my then husband and 3 young sons. Having had enough, I gave my ex-husband a choice; his job that consumed his life as a retail sales manager, or his family? He chose the job.

I was done. I wanted out of our then 12 year marriage. Almost as soon as that happened he was whisked off to Oklahoma City, transferred within 2 weeks.

Very uncertain of what I was going to do, my sons and I spent a week at a cabin on a lake in northern Minnesota with my BFF and her family. No sign of human existence in sight. The call of my soulful friend the loon nearby, gave me my answer.

It wasn’t a question of “What is best for ME?” But, a prayer, “God, what is it that you want me to do?”

“Move to Oklahoma with your sons so they don’t grow up without a father,” came the reply. I trusted the request and listened.

While living in Oklahoma, I can’t tell you how many times I asked myself, “Who the hell does this?” or I was asked by others “Who the hell does that?” But, I knew deep in my heart it was what I was being called to do. Answering “the call” was something I had long gotten used to by this time, so there was never any hesitation.

Six long very difficult and traumatic years were to be endured. The world I suddenly found myself in was backwards and filled with so much pettiness, anger, and hatred, Coming from a state that was once coined with the term “Minnesota Nice”, it was a world extremely difficult for me to comprehend.

The whole time I was there, that little voice inside was telling me, “Denise, one day you need to write a book.” When I finally got out I eventually set out to do just that. Over several years time, I “birthed” the manuscript for my book The Advocate, (finally nearing its publishing time now) the title chosen because it was the role I found most significant as a nurse.

One of my biggest questions as I dug deeper into my writing was “What makes Oklahoma so deplorable?” I always said there was a Cancerous gas in the air and it was rapidly spreading.

I started looking for answers both on the internet and at the library. The number of various topics that popped up was expansive, but the one that spoke the loudest and explained the most was the Oklahoma City bombing.

Having visited the bombing memorial several times, I often wondered “How could something so atrocious happen in a small town city like this?” So much about it didn’t add up in my analytical brain.

Several books existed on the topic written by various entities involved. They all came to the same conclusion, “There’s more to the story here!” The internet became my best resource in finding articles and accounts of what occurred days and weeks following the bombing. Numerous accounts of people who had somehow been involved, killed after the heinous event. Somewhere during my research I knew I had to print hard copy knowing the sites I was on would eventually be erased, and many were.

The biggest telling story was an account of what what happened to a man, Kenneth Michael Trentadue at the Federal Holding Facility housed at Wiley Post Airport in Oklahoma City. (Many Oklahomans completely unaware that this Federal Holding Prison even exists)

On August 21st, 1995, he was arrested, detained there, and several days later brutally abused and murdered. His family received a phone call, being told Kenneth committed “suicide” and that his body was going to be cremated, the ashes to be sent to them. That was not to happen as Kenneth’s brother, Jesse Trentadue, was a prominent Salt Lake City, Utah lawyer.

What was to follow was years of ongoing investigation and litigation into Kenneth’s death, uncovering many telling facts that proved the Oklahoma City bombing was something much bigger than the mainstream media’s storyline.

http://kennethtrentadue.com/index.html (Warning: Extremely Graphic)

I, at one point, decided to call and talk to Jesse Trentadue myself. I guess to verify the facts and the reality of what I was trying to wrap my brain around. This phone call was my “What Will it Take?” moment.

Immediately I started an entirely different search. Instead of a focus on Oklahoma, I started expanding it out and looking at our country and various events whose storylines didn’t connect.

Very shortly after making this discovery back in 2008, Obama was put in office. He chose his attorney general, Eric Holder.

BIG RED FLAG. I knew that name! Eric Holder had been the Deputy Attorney General under Bill Clinton and his role at the time was to cover up Trentadue’s murder, and other like deaths following the bombing. There being at least 11 known total, including an El Reno prisoner guard, a OKC police officer, and a doctor who had been at the bomb site the morning of, helping victims. He had been approached by ATF agents, who arrived on the scene after the fact, asked to be bandaged to make it look like they had been injured.

Let me comment, at the time I spoke with Jesse Trentadue, he told me if I ever wanted any more information to go to his website. (Good reason I’m not typing it here!)

https://dailysoapbox-mydailysoapbox.blogspot.com/2011/12/eric-holder-implicated-in-cover-up-of.html

(excerpt from article where Jesse Trentaude points to a scathing 4-page letter (PDF) he sent to Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) Dec. 19, 2008.)

In a footnote appearing on page one of that letter, Trentadue noted the following:
Despite the destruction of evidence, the court awarded my family a $1 million judgment.  We have used that money to offer a $250,000 reward for the people who killed Kenney.  That offer is posted at:  www.kmtreward.com.  This site also contains the irrefutable evidence that my brother was murdered, which evidence was kept from us by the Justice Department.”

Once Holder was made Obama’s attorney general, I checked that website. Jesse’s site had been replaced (back in 2008) by some sort of novelty online shopping site. When I reread my manuscript this past spring, getting to the point where I mention this, I rechecked that website. To put it mildly, I was blown away!!!

Not sure at first what I was looking at as these Chinese symbols started popping up, then photos and videos. Suddenly I realized, the URL had been turned into a Chinese porn site!!!

(I just rechecked!! This still blows my mind! If you click that link above which was copied and pasted from Jesse Trentadue’s letter, that is what it takes one to! A Chinese porn site!!! Not suggesting that you do … but that is what you’ll find. No accident there!!!! Also, a whole other story to be visited at a later date!)

My point … There are SO MANY STORIES in the mainstream media that DO NOT ADD UP!!! Of course, mainstream media has painted the label of CONSPIRACY THEORY on all of them. They use their brainwashing tools to convince a large portion of the dumbed down population that people who believe these theories are nut jobs, crazies, “racist”, and on and on.

Well, I for one, don’t need someone to confirm what I do and do not know. My time as a professional critical care nurse taught me how to think fast, and be analytical. People’s lives depended on it. And, I was really good at it. I don’t need others telling me what is fact and what is fiction.

But my question remains, especially to the masses out there who are thinking they are going to vote the Biden/Harris ticket…What will it take? When will you, out of curiosity, lay down your bias and start looking at actual facts? Put down the vitriol and hatred for Trump and start using common sense? Become your own investigative journalist?

To quote Patrick Henry….

For the Revolution Begins With Me!

Thursday’s Roar of A “Tiger”

I woke up early this Thursday morning ready to rant. Perhaps it has to do with this enormous knot I have in my left shoulder, impinging on the nerve in my left arm, but I’m feeling a bit like the “tiger” in me (2 time Tiger alum) and I’m wanting to roar.

I’ve kept to myself since the Corona outbreak in March. Watching the shut down first of our city and then of our country.

Subbing as the attendance secretary at one of the local middle schools two weeks leading up the our school district’s closing. The Universe had placed me frontline as the panic began to hit our city, being the one that fielded the phone calls from hysterical parents as speculation of what was to come began to infiltrate our area.

Spring break only a few days away, my daughter and I with plans to visit my son who is in the Navy in Florida, the pandemic not to interrupt. My background in nursing, going into that field only after becoming severely ill while finishing my last year of my microbiology degree before I was to start medical school (years later finding out I had SEVERE mercury poisoning). I had done significant study in microbiology and immunology and much of the storyline mainstream media was feeding us did not make sense.

Chastised by many for taking our trip when the rest of the country was shut down, I had learned years ago, fear was not going to stop me from living my life. Within weeks, the animosity and negativity of “friends” on Facebook made me completely unplug from the world.

The only energy I wanted penetrating my body, mind, and soul was positive energy. Glorious and uplifting energy from family and friends, but perhaps most importantly, the power of the energy I cultivate from the earth.

Living on several acres with different parts of our property sectioned off; “country life” where my large garden and our chickens live, our “backyard beach” our pool area, (this Minnesota girl’s necessary water source) and down our sloped hill leading to the creek and woods is our “Mystical Forest”.

Intuitively, the Universe had led us to this area, completely unexpected. We/I have spent the last 6 years perhaps prepping it for the dawning of this year and what was to come. We had created a mostly self-sufficient environment out of our passion for nature and the outdoors. Suddenly, I excitedly watched the masses starting to do all the things I love doing. Gardening, raising chickens, and returning to the old ways of living; becoming self-sustaining.

I started to hear from people or read articles that which I have known all my life, that there’s an energy, a vibration, that allows the spirit to calm, that relieves stress and anxiety, that brings peace to the soul when out in nature, when you have your hands in soil, and when you walk barefoot on the earth.

Anyone that truly knows me, knows there’s no better place for me to be than barefoot with my hands in the dirt. Well, not exactly true, my favorite place to be in is some body of water. Which, was the other place we were to frequently find ourselves, at the lake with my dad’s boat I had inherited.

Having left my career as a critical care nurse almost 2 decades ago, (not a difficult choice after watching people die needlessly almost daily, but that’s a whole different topic) there was much material sacrifice choosing to make my children and my own personal well being top priority. For me, the most significant, the use of my boat that sat broken and unusable in our garage for 13 years, the expanse of my daughter’s life.

The Universe being so amazing! Last fall, I was finally able to get it fixed. When spring hit, we found ourselves on the water. This began a season of unprecedented lake time. Memories to be made that will last a lifetime, not only for us, but many friends we invited to join us, giving them a break from their sequestered life in the city.

My point…is that in returning to what is REAL, in returning to Mother Earth, we will begin to rediscover ourselves. The last several decades have seen people pulling further and further inside, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and to me most importantly, spiritually. As a nation, we’ve grown bitter and afraid. Hostile. Complacent. Numbed up. Dumbed down.

It’s time we all take a step outside. Unplug from the technology that now surrounds us and controls our lives. We’ve allowed ourselves to be enslaved. In doing so, we have given away many of our God given freedoms and liberties. We’ve forgotten how to think for ourselves, and instead allow the talking heads to control our thoughts and our minds by continually feeding us nothing but lies, creating what we see now, a country greatly divided, that is literally at war with each other.

I check the news daily. Not mainstream media, for it all has an agenda, but real news, and I don’t recognize the world that exists out there. This didn’t happen over night. And change won’t happen over night. But it has begun. The swing in the other direction, to first take back our own lives, but then to take back our country.

It starts with each and everyone of us as individuals. The biggest thing I believe that needs to happen is for people to reopen their minds. Tune back into themselves. The voice within. Try to cut away from the socialization and indoctrination that has been intentionally implemented, for yes, that is exactly what has happened. We have been fed decades of lies while our once great country is being stolen away from us. Once very insidiously, now so blatantly out in the open.

We need to start asking questions. The storylines we’ve been fed do not make sense and its abundantly obvious once you lay down your political biases. We are one election away from losing this country forever. The last four years, nothing but hatred and hostility being pushed with an agenda. An agenda to take down the one president who truly has a belief in the American dream, for he has lived it. The one president who is not bought and owned by the elitists and globalists.

The clock is ticking and I truly do believe I know the ultimate outcome. I don’t know how ugly its going to get, as it’s already gotten uglier than I could ever have imagined. But, I refuse to allow myself to be a part of it. There is a huge silent majority who are waking up, finally, to REALITY. Not the reality they try to sell us on the nightly news, but the TRUTH, for there can only be one TRUTH and we have not been living in it.

I like the rest of the country, and honestly the world, wait with bated breath as each day unfolds leading to what is certain to be the most ruthless and savage election of all times, for it already has been.

For my part, I will get out and vote. Vote with an awareness of the how our once strong country is being destroyed, knowing the one man who has fought to save it has had four years of nothing but struggle with every action he has taken to return our country to greatness. The radical left doing nothing but slandering, and trying to destroy, dismantle, and remove him from office. But, bottom line, God is going to let his warriors win and win we will.

Until that day, I will keep peace in my heart and love in my soul. I will send positive energy out to all I encounter. I will be the best version of me I can possibly be … for the Revolution Begins With Me.

The Rant I Knew Was Coming!

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I put it out there the other day, that what I wrote was my “mother’s rant”, but true to fashion, as I know myself, what I feel always comes a couple days before the actual event.

Today, is in fact the day my “Rant” has bubbled to the surface. And, it has done so for several different reasons. First, and foremost on my list though, is an extremely sad loss that I learned of yesterday.

I consider myself very blessed to have grown up in the area I did, during the time that I did, around the people that I did. Not that I would say I was really close to them at the time, but I was very aware that collectively we had something very unique, very special, and quite rare.

That being said, when my BFF of 50 plus years, was on her return home texting spree, after a funeral for her husband’s family member a couple states away, and she sent me a screen shot from a closed class Facebook account, regarding a classmate whose 26 year old son had “passed” the day before, I was beyond deeply saddened.

It had been bad enough, the few times last year when posts came across that we had lost members of our class of 144, which graduated in the year of 1983, but to think that one of them had just lost a child, was heartbreaking.

After the screenshot she sent, she sent me a more personal, and acutely disturbing text message from another classmate, as they both had children who were good friend’s with the deceased.

The cause of death was unknown, but the situation in which this young man was found, dying in his sleep, after an unsuccessful attempt at CPR. having a history of depression, anxiety, and alcohol problems broke my heart.

Beginning to write this, on a day that held immensely painful memories for myself, memories I have finally been able to free myself of after 15 long painful years, the news hit me really hard.

The “Elephant in the Room,” that no one wants to talk about, but everyone is finally growing more concerned of, due to its sky-rocketing occurrences, at younger and younger ages, is depression and worse, suicide. (Not at all saying that was what this was.)

Why someone would, or could, do such a thing, such as taking their own life, is something I understand way too well.

Not only losing my father in this manner, but fearing for many years that my youngest son would head down a similar road, and also having grappled with periods of depression myself, it’s a topic I am familiar with on a profound level.

Some time after losing my dad, back in 1994, working as a critical care nurse, and seeing several suicide attempts coming in on a weekly basis, I had heard, or read, that depression was due to an emptiness within the psyche, or the spiritual self. Being a free-spirit, and being conscious of a world most weren’t, these words spoke to me.

Especially back then, the “material” age, leading into the new millennium, with the “millennials,” totally wrapped in ego-living and pure self-gratification, the thought of spirit had all but been extinguished from the American language.

It seems that, not until the last several years, has there really started to be a resurgence of the huge role spirit plays in one’s life. Or, how, with people who suffer from depression, and other mental illness, the complete absence of the role of lack of spirit as a cause exists.

People can, and will scoff, at what I write, but I write from a place of KNOWING. A place of not just watching and observing on a daily basis, but from a place of experiencing on a personal level.

We hear endlessly about chemical imbalances, and the use of pharmaceuticals as the answer. Absolutely, yes, this plays a role, but where is the discussion of the spirit? And, the spiritual emptiness within people’s lives that lead to addictions of every type imaginable? Why mental health problems are truthfully mushrooming off the chart?

I say what I say from a personal perspective. My dad committed suicide because his was lost, broken and empty inside. Possessing a spirit, that I remember from an early age, was alive and full of energy. Full of excitement for life, and the natural aspects of the world, one’s connection to Mother Earth.

He instilled all of this energy, compassion, and love of nature into me as a child. Something I would tap more into and begin to understand in my early years of motherhood.

Depression would raise its ugly head during periods of my life, when the deeper, spiritual side of me, was not being fed. Then, when my youngest son started to profoundly grapple with the dark side of his psyche, I became very aware that I needed to dig deeper within myself to find answers for me, so that I could find answers for him.

It was only in reconnecting with all the things that fed my spirit, that fed my soul; music, movement, and Mother Earth, that healing was allowed, and the sensations of depression would be completely shed.

During that time, as the darkness within our country descended, depression and mental health issues continued to climb, with the number of suicides escalating, happening at younger and younger ages.

Our country becoming entirely spiritually devoid of any positive energy, as people became morosely engrained in the material, ego-based way of living we had been indoctrinated into, being exposed to more and more degenerative ways of living, as if they were the norm, as if we were somehow advancing as a human race by doing so.

It saddens my heart that we have had to come to this place.  But, on the positive side of humanity, it is when things get bad enough for more and more people, that gradually, slowly, the masses begin to wake up.

As the multitude stop looking outside themselves for answers, and finally start doing the hard, but much needed work of looking within, reconnecting with one’s own spirit, that we begin to see change.

We are a long way from turning the “Titanic” around, but we are at the place of a new beginning. A Spiritual Awakening on the horizon, as mankind starts to reclaim all that is natural and humane. For, it is only in owning all that we possess within, the good, the bad, and most especially the ugly, that the shift will occur.

It is only in owning our frailties and imperfections as humans, it is only in not comparing ourselves to one another, but celebrating our uniqueness, it is only in not expecting perfection out of ourselves, and God forbid our children, and it is only in facing our fears head on, that we begin to make the much needed shift in healing ourselves, and then our planet.

A Spiritual Awakening is on the horizon. A claim to take back Self and the beauty that each one of us holds within. A new dawn awaits, as we begin to lift ourselves, and then each other, out of the dark abyss we have allowed our country, our planet, to become lost within.

This I know, and I will do all I can on my part … for the Revolution Begins With Me.

Reclaiming Spirit!

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This is my year! My focus, not to be on the past, but on forward movement, to reclaim all that is mine. All that is me.

Our country, our planet, is on the verge of ascending from a greatly destructive and traumatic period, not just on a physical level, but more significantly, on a spiritual one, into to a place of inner peace and self love.

Multitudes around the planet, having lived through, and survived, ruination of a “mythical” world they once lived in, are beginning to reclaim their inner beings, their souls.

A “mythical” world, as most of us have been living in a world, prescribed to us by those who believe they are in control. We have given up our inalienable rights as humans, in search of trinkets and ego-boosting existences, that have allowed our planet to head towards its demise.

There is a massive shift in consciousness happening though. People finally beginning to look within for answers, as opposed to looking to those they think are experts on matters of life and theology. Where in sincerity, we are our own true masters.

For me, waking to my own consciousness decades ago, but being surrounded by people whose self-limiting ideals and theologies brought destruction to my own life, I needed to obliterate the ignorance, and be honest with myself about any of my own self-eradicating behaviors.

A Healer by nature, the last 15 years have been focused on removing any negative energy and people that held me down. Focused on healing my then young family, I have watched them turn into strong, confident, self-aware individuals. It is now my turn to put full focus on me and the next leg of my odyssey.

The biggest, and most consequential piece of my transformation, was my unrelenting search to return my spirit to self. Not an easy task, one that took much inward focus and commitment, to look into those painful places where the deepest damage was obtained. With the help of like minded people, those who knew the journey well, for they had traveled it themselves, success was inevitable.

Entwined deeply to my youngest son on an energetic level, one who lived through much trauma in his life as a young child, I always knew we would climb out of the darkness together, one day to soar to the highest realms.

Now 23, watching him jump through multiple and seemingly endless hoops, to be allowed to join the United States Navy, (initially with the thought of becoming a Navy SEAL) great rewards were brought to him over the year. Rewards, in many facets of his young adult life.

Together we forge ahead, out of the pain and darkness of our own trauma, our Dark Nights of the Soul, moving forward with a mission to help those on a like path, looking for the Light they have lost in their own lives. Here, to testify, you can make it. You will make it! Not an easy road, but a road increasing numbers are beginning to travel.

We are living in a historical and Magical time. The war between Good and evil heightened to a crescendo. The time is ripe for those of us Awake and wanting change to step up and ban together to take our world back.

Through a mass conscious Awakening, the Shift is beginning to occur. The downward spiral halting. Momentum to be gained as we integrate on one United front. The Awakening and reclaiming of our souls and our spirits front and center in the Movement.

I take the moment to reflect on my past years growth on so many counts. Show gratitude for all that was given to me. Forgive myself where I need to. Then, embrace and fortify that which has been growing deep within my being, as I move forward into the revolution that is at hand … for the Revolution Begins With Me.