The beginning of this year, my vision was, go through my book for one last edit. Once I had finished, my life would forever be drastically changed. (In a good way.) The last part of my book, getting out of Oklahoma and its world of darkness, what I title ‘RECOVERY, my eyes hadn’t seen in over 5 years.
Five years of release, healing, and recovery after moving out to the country. Our mystical sanctuary had allowed me to grow and stretch in new and unimaginable ways. It was time to pick my book back up and write its new ending.
Initially, I found an agent almost immediately who had been interested in representing me. She gently suggested the direction I needed to pursue. She told me I would never do something so difficult in my life. The thing she hadn’t understood was that living what I had was the most difficult thing I could do in my life. Reliving it would be painful, but ultimately freeing.
It had been a long cathartic process. Taking way longer than I ever could have imagined, but more significantly, taking me to places I never could have fathomed. I needed that time to just breathe once it had been completed.
After taking the summer off for a reprieve, I picked my book back up about a month ago to finish and bring it on home. Going back in to places I hadn’t visited in years, and thoughts that had been allowed to leave my conscious mind, this time around was empowering.
Counting down the chapters I have left to edit … 18 currently … it’s been a slow gradual release. Finding gems as I did today, flame the embers of my passion for writing. Now, is the time to MAKE IT HAPPEN.
Teresa Hartnett, thank you for your kind words and your belief in me.
Revolution Begins With Me
My last 12 years were spent slowly crawling out of a dark hole dug for me during a six year “prison sentence” working as a critical care nurse in the state of Oklahoma. I vowed upon departure that I would write the story of all I had witnessed.
My home state is Minnesota and the two healthcare systems couldn’t have been more polarized.
My book is a memoir, The Advocate. It is the story of my spiritual journey as a mother, critical care nurse, and amateur bodybuilder.
I found an agent interested in publishing my book after writing the first version (there have been several.) She directed me down an unexpected twisting road as I went in search of truth and a deeper spiritual meaning.
I allowed my search and my writing. to take on a life of its own. Never, from the world I grew up in, and the world I was leaving, could I have imagined where it would take me.
Three years later, I finished the second version. My book had taken on a whole new meaning and purpose. After several more rewrites, it was time to set it aside. What I had uncovered had left my head spinning and I certainly was in no place to publish.
Nursing had been the one place, other than with my children, my spiritual being was given freedom, as I cared for the critically ill and traumatized patients, young and old, in intensive care. That was brutally stripped from me in Oklahoma.
The world around me allowed me to be anything I wanted, except the free spirit God made me to be. Moving forward with publishing is about claiming my free will and spirit back with even more potent courage and confidence.
Healthcare in this country has to do with anything but helping sick people. The final nail was put in the coffin when the so called Affordable HealthCare Act was implemented, Americans need to grow concerned. They need to wake up to the atrocities that surround us in all factions of life.
The United States is in a Code Blue situation and as a trained professional I will do my part to help keep her alive. I don’t like what surrounds us so I am calling for change, for the Revolution Begins With Me.
We are living in historical times. Times our ancestors, historians, and great literary writers have been warning us about for decades. A recurring event since the dawn of humanity. Good versus Evil. With evil taking over, it’s time for all conscious beings to stand up and take action.
A planetary shift is occurring. As an old destructive way of living and thinking finds its demise, the dawn of a new loving era has begun. It is up to all awakened mystics, visionaries, and lightkeepers to step up and step out to do our part. Our part, to blanket the planet in love and help others to free themselves from the fear-based world we live in.
I went through several Dark Nights of the Soul over the past decades not understanding why. My father’s suicide, debilitating health issues (eventually to learn I had severe mercury poisoning), and the immersion of my being into a world of ignorance and hatred. Each time emerging stronger and full of more light after having gone deeper within myself.
Knowing I’m a Lightkeeper, a mystic, after my last Dark Night, I knew I was 100% committed to following my Inner Voice, my God-source, an inner light that exists in all of us if we care to listen. Having complete faith and trust in the direction I’m moving and the spiritual guidance and support of an amazing friend, I know an amazing life awaits.
I will create positive loving change in the world I live in, and share that love with all whom I encounter, for the Revolution Begins With Me.
Spirit and energy, words that took on new meaning a quarter of a century ago. A time when I truly embraced the fact that I was a free spirit. Something everyone in my young life seemed to want to stifle except for my dad who was also a free spirit.
It was the beginning of a brand-new journey, totally embarking on The Road Less Traveled. Two roads diverged in the woods and I, certainly, took the one less traveled by.
My eldest son who was two at the time helped me embrace the inquisitive spiritual side of my being. I let him take the lead and we followed his curious, creative, and highly energetic spirit down new untrekked territory. He gave me the strength to dig within, to heal wounds that needed healing, then to venture down new avenues, previously, I never before would have embarked on.
Five years later, with the birth of my second son, my spiritual sense grew even stronger. At the time, my life was in a place of total transformation, one I embraced completely and passionately.
At the time, the biggest part of this alteration was entering the gym and making the weight-room my new home. It was an environment that allowed instant transformation. I embraced the lifestyle of a bodybuilder.
I was given the gift of a friend, also a fellow bodybuilder, one who possessed a strong knowing of a deeper spiritual world. His mother had been 100% Cherokee Indian. He was raised in the beauty of the Ozark mountains and had been taught an appreciation of Mother Earth.
He spoke of the Earth’s energy. Although, I had never heard these words before, it was something I felt deep in my core. Unspoken words of my father, yet passionately, instilled within me growing up in rural Minnesota, surrounded by the magnificence of my native land.
My friend would speak to me of energy. How I possessed a strong powerful aura. How to care for and manage this gift. How to remove the Ego from my being. He would speak to me of worlds I had never known, worlds most people don’t know exist, deeper levels of consciousness.
His words were completely foreign to me, and although I couldn’t begin to grasp their enormity, I knew they held truth because I could feel it. Over time, my appreciation would grow.
Life would throw me many curveballs; the birth of a third son, ongoing health problems, (later to discover related to severe mercury poisoning,) divorce and alienation from family, and my father’s suicide. All I knew was to go deeper into the spirit world I had uncovered and further down the road less traveled.
I had been living in Minnesota, working as a critical care nurse in a Level 1 trauma hospital, encompassed by trauma and death on a daily basis, yet surrounded by people who would feed and nourish my spiritual quest. I was raised Catholic, but Christianity took on new meaning. God’s love more real.
Suddenly, I found myself faced with a new conundrum, the challenge to move my family to a foreign land (what some call Oklahoma). Committed to listen to the voice within, with the spiritual support from the hospital’s chaplain, Greg, someone who would become an integral part of my survival, I moved. Almost instantly, I found myself submerged in complete darkness.
Mother Earth’s rewards that fed my soul were instantly gone; the freedom that movement and exercise created, the purifying quality of the lakes from my youth, the empowerment of the greenery and environs discovered in my awakening land, and the seasons that cultivated my spirit had all vanished.
Surrounded by desert terrain, my spirit began to shrivel. My world instantly flipped upside down. All that I had learned over a lifetime, suddenly was reversed. I somehow had fallen into a dark void and could not comprehend.
Five years into a six-year sentence, at the age of 40, the negative forces won out. After a lifetime of fighting to hang onto my free-will, stay true to my spirit, I was finally broken. My spirit had been eroding away, but precipitously, it was left in ashes.
The choice was to surrender to death or commit myself wholeheartedly to a power greater than myself. Humble my physical being to the energy within, leading me into an alien world. I succumbed. The love of my children was my food source. It kept me moving, kept me focused.
One of my life’s mottos had always been, “The only way through it, is through it,” so with a stronger faith in God than ever before, onward I went.
Dark energy trying to swallow me unlike ever before, I stayed more grounded and attentive than ever before. Time would yield my reprieve. I finally received my physical freedom, allowed to move back to a land that had always felt like home, Columbia, Missouri.
In the midst of the darkness, I always heard a powerful voice telling me, “They have no idea who you are. You have no idea who you are.”
I knew at my core I possessed an imperious gift for healing. I witnessed it on countless occasions as an ICU nurse. It was my time to turn within and use those gifts on myself and my family. Time became irrelevant. The material world unfamiliar.
Far so distant, I could not recall what it felt like to possess that deep spiritual peace that so long ago had fed my soul. I would hear words or see visions and follow them. They would bring me closer, lift the dark energy. Allow forgiveness of myself and others to occur. Transcend.
Last fall the words became clear, “Free at 53”. My 53rd birthday on the horizon, I committed to a new workout regime, not rigid, but daily free-flowing. I knew exercise, nature, and music would return my freedom.
I began walking our 3 ½ acres more frequently. The land we had cleared at the bottom of our backyard hill, near the creek where a new fire pit had been put in, commenced as a sacred ground. I would walk “the stations” nature had provided for me, allowing my mystic self to unfold.
I didn’t know what would emerge. It seemed like it would magically occur on my birthday. Though a wonderful memory was created, it didn’t happen that way. I knew I was absorbing the powerful energy of my children, but time would be needed to transform.
New Year’s Day passed. Anxiety suddenly replaced the wonderful peaceful energy I had been experiencing. A few more days to ourselves before returning to school and work, we lounged around the house, trying to keep those emotions at bay.
One morning lying in bed, I felt nudged to organize some papers that had piled on my dresser. I took out the box that contained all my important files. Sorting through them, I ran across several from the dark days of my past. One of my “stations” in my sacred land was the old fire pit where I would walk by and imagine burning any negative energy that still lingered within.
With a fire blazing in the basement wood stove, I knew it was time for me to burn any remnants of my past. I immediately gathered all my painful dark memories and tossed them in the fire. It was time. It was what needed to be done.
The next morning upon waking, I called my dear friend Greg, who had become my spiritual guide over the years. We had nurtured a strong spiritual bond. I told him of my past weeks experiences and how it had commenced the prior morning. He affirmed what I had done stating, “You’ve burned all the negative energy.”
As with the frequent magic of Greg’s words, it was almost instant, an energetic shift. Any lingering negative energy resolved. I was placed in circle of peace. A place of calm. A place of love.
In my mind, I had been reflecting on the 12-year anniversary of the moment my spirit went up in smoke, left in ashes, January 5th. It was no coincidence that I had found those papers and burned them just 3 days prior.
The 5th passed with new unfamiliar emotions within my being. Peacefulness. Bliss. Harmony with the earth. Harmony with myself. I was feeling life anew. My senses were heightened. Colors more vibrant. Sounds clearer. Taste more flavorful. Touch more alive.
It instantly came to me. After decades of struggle and years of darkness my freedom had been given back. The phoenix was rising.
Born a free spirit in a country that supposedly is “the land of the free and the home of the brave” I was taught through formal education that our country was by far superior. Through my own personal trauma both as a nurse and a mother, over 15 years ago, I began to question what our country actually stood for. My journey, being a life long writer, led me to writing my yet to be published memoir “The Advocate” taking me deeper into my country’s truths.
My book started as a chronicle of my life as a nurse and mother. I was a critical care nurse, something that was an intrinsic part of my being, working in every ICU setting imaginable; trauma, pediatric, transplant, cardiac, ect. I did it all. My first positions were positive and supportive. I was with strong teams of nurses and ancillary staff. I was proud of the work I did and proud of my profession. A sacrificial move to Oklahoma City, OK in 1999 quickly changed all of that robbing me of a passion I once so dearly loved.
During that time, raising three sons mostly on my own, I endured amazing trauma both at the hands of the hospitals whose missions statements proclaimed they cared, but whose actions and priorities were quite contrary. Also, by people who were biologically related to me and called themselves “family,” yet who had no true understanding of what that word means. Six years in, finally having the opportunity to leave my living nightmare, I began a long painful process of recovering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Writing my book was my catharsis.
My eyes were opened as I researched what my children and I had been surrounded by. Digging deeper, my book took a highly unexpected turn. At the same time, I was also watching the events of the country I had likewise been so proud of unfold before me. I came to realize the American population had been brainwashed primarily through the teachings of the public school system. My country was not the nation I thought it was. I was left in a mental state of disarray and anger, especially as I watched the majority of the “sheeple” going on with their meaningless lives as more and more of our countries liberties were stripped from her.
It has taken a long time to recover, not yet 100% there, but I have vowed as long as I am alive I WILL assert the free spirit that was placed deep within me at birth. My heart aches as I watch the daily tragedies unfold. I am not surprised by what I see. Unlike most, I have been expecting it, perhaps even anticipating it, for as the acceleration heightens it will be key in waking people up.
Not only the United States, but the planet, is on a fast descent back into the dark ages, all very well orchestrated. Once a country so strong, we were so because of the spirits of America’s ancestors. That spirit has been slowly taken from us, for most very unknowingly, as they worship materialism and power, the superficiality they so long to obtain.
It will be up to each individual to chose which side of the battle they are on. Change needs to occur and it needs to occur first within our hearts. Not until we acknowledge collectively the spirits that lie dormant within us, the spirits that created this country in the first place, will we begin to take this once great nation back. That process will begin as a seed planted deep within our conscious beings. A seed I have been nurturing and tending to, as well as that of my children, who are now strong, awake, contributing individuals. Change needs to occur now and the Revolution Begins With Me.