I’m not afraid to die. Especially not for my country.
A near death incident January 7th, 2005, I was given the option of crossing over, or staying on the planet, 100% committed to sharing my story and following God’s plan. I made my choice.
I had just turned 40, was the mother of 3 sons, the oldest a senior, the youngest in 3rd grade with a young life of severe behavior problems, and unknown to me, soon to be pregnant with my only daughter.
My life was in a million little pieces and I was suffering more pain than mentally, emotionally, and spiritually comprehensible.
I had already been through a lot. Divorce. Isolation from people who called themselves family. Becoming ill with what western medicine physicians called “chronic fatigue” (being a nurse and being tenacious I knew there was a different cause.) Later to learn and be treated for severe mercury poisoning by an alternative medicine DO. The suicide of my father, the only person in my life I could always count on, when I was 29 and finishing my last year of nursing school.
I was strong, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. and physically. Getting into body building at age 26 as a way to help eleviate the symptoms from my then undiagnosed heavy metal poisoning. I knew who I was and what I was made of.
So at this point, finding myself, the Phoenix, in ashes on the ground, I knew I could and I would rise stronger and more powerful than ever before. 100% certain of that because this time I let God do the leading.
I’ve spent the last 15 years healing my family, healing myself, and moving towards “THAT DAY”. “THAT DAY” when I would be asked to take the next steps to move out and share my message with the world.
Last year as my eldest 2 sons continued to impress me, not only with the success in their careers, (both finishing top of their class, going on to become engineers working in the computer/ technology world) but as strong confident men who gave back to the world around them. My youngest son, the one whose pre-kindergarten principal kicked him out of school and told me he “would be in an institution by the time he’s 15,” graduated from Navy bootcamp at the age of 23. Not just graduated though, but graduated top 3% out of over 1000 sailors. Proving not just to me, but most importantly to himself, what he is made of. (Having already had to jump through 6 months of hoops to even qualify for the Navy.)
I knew my time was at hand. My sons were all in amazing places. God was preparing me for my next steps. A fall and winter spent with glorious opportunities coming my way.
Then CoVid hit. And, as the rest of the country/ world went into a state of fear, a state of unrest, and panic, I continued to flourish. Knowing God had purposefully had me go through MY hard times so I would be ready for now.
The destruction of our country to a new level beginning in my home state of Minnesota. Parts of the rioting and burning happening near the hospital I used to work at.
A best friend, in the thick of the riots the first week as the local fire marshal and emergency Red Cross responder. Other friends living or working in the parts of the city being burned. All of it just confirming, MY time is near.
I had left the life of consumerism and avarice, returning to an “unplugged” version of living. And, I have been awake and watching the last 20 years as our country has been dismantled from the inside.
I have been waiting for THIS DAY because I knew it was coming. I sit in the solitude of my Oasis,, unaffected on a daily basis by what is happening out there, wondering how this will all play out.
For one thing is certain, we’re NEVER going back to what we were. The other thing that is certain, Americans’ lives are going to get a whole lot worse before they start to get better.
I sit in my Mystical Forest preparing for what is to come. Preparing to be “called” up to do my part to defend my country.
Hard times are here. Fortunately, I have had the foresight to raise and prepare my family on all levels. We are the warriors. And, I for one am ready to defend. Ready to die for my country because … The Revolution Begins With Me.
Up early and down by the firepit in my Mystical Forest a few mornings ago, enjoying the dance of the seasons Missouri lovingly shares. I found myself pondering, “What is my purpose?” “What are my intentions?”
Shedding any use of labels to define myself, 15 years ago, when I left the inhumanity of what nursing was in Oklahoma. I spent many years in flux.
Being a society, a nation that more than ever has gone to characterizing individuals with labels. Not just words that delineate how people spend the majority of their time, but in the last 10 years, more than ever, mainstream media and Hollywood pushing the agenda of hate-filled labels.
I personally have no use for them. I find them self-limiting. People, over the years trying to define me; my children’s mother (fill in the blank, any one of four), a fitness fanatic, a hippie, (one I laugh at, especially after this year with the pandemic and enormous amounts of people returning to the country, and to the earth, to become more self-sustaining. I guess they all became hippies too.), and the one title I wear with tremendous pride, “just plain weird.”
Raised in a small, mostly Catholic community, the mind set was very narrow, most especially that of my birth mother and her rather large family. It was actually my free-spirited father, who likewise never fit into this community, that I was given the vision to look through a different lens.
Becoming aware when we moved to the hills outside Jefferson City, when my now 33 year old son was 2, and curious beyond all imaginable measures, we are born with a unique spirit. Each of us given a vastly distinct purpose before birth.
Walking the hills near our rural home, pushing my inquisitive toddler in his stroller, the shackles and chains imposed on me by my mother and her family, and the Catholic school and church, were finally released. I realized there was enormous untapped potential that lay within.
I was to spend the next decade exploring that potential as I nurtured not only my oldest high-spirited son, delving into his many gifts and talents, but also the addition of his two younger brothers, beginning to explore theirs as well.
A nurturer and healer at heart, at this point, also one by profession, as I began my career as a critical care nurse. I worked intensive care, running the gamut of health related maladies and life threatening traumas. What I viewed daily kept me keenly aware of living in the moment and that my time with them was temporary.
Being an incredibly intuitive, empathic person, I didn’t parent with a “cookie cutter” mentality, nor did I try to relive my childhood through them. Instead, I gave each of them attention where they needed it, including my now 14 year old daughter. They each had completely different personalities, therefore, completely different life purposes
I would/do tell them, “Be yourself! I can’t tell you who that is, but I will help you as much as I can to discover it.” My most important intention to instill in them being, “Have integrity!”
My many years of nursing had taught me innumerable valuable lessons. One of them being, your status and your wealth will one day mean nothing. If you can stand solid and strong in who you are, you will be able to withstand any storm. Thus far, the people they have become, they’ve proven my concept inherently accurate.
As my long, immensely rewarding decades of parenting children under the age of 18 gracefully eases into its final years, with the assistance of the pandemic allowing me to pull even deeper inward, I remain constant in my dynamic state. Undefinable, but ever moving towards a better version of myself. Searching even more closely for God’s/the Universe’s larger life’s purpose.
My challenge to all … Put down the labels! They are so self-limiting. For yourself, and for others around you. Put worry and fear aside! Open your hearts!
It is certain change is at our door. Help promote that change in an upward trend. It’s through broadening the expanse of our minds, our possibilities, that this country will turn back in a more positive curative direction.
I for one, know I will remain undefinable. I will keep evolving into the best version of me. Now more than ever, I know it’s a necessity … for the Revolution Begins With Me.
One of the numerous things I love about my Mid-Missouri home is the incredible beauty Mother Earth surrounds us with. A favorite spot for many locals is the Katy Trail, an old railway turned into a walk/bike trail that runs the expanse of the state.
A benefit of more free time currently, has been to frequent it. Instead of two or three times a season, I am getting out there two or three times a week. The Rocheporte Trailhead being the closest and perhaps one of the most scenic. This time of year especially gorgeous as the colors along the riverfront and bluffs are turning.
The Big Tree in nearby McBaine is usually an end destination for a longer ride. It wasn’t until last Monday that my 14 year old daughter suggested we go the other direction. I thought, “Huh! What a novel idea!” Have we really been going out there for so many years, and I had never had the thought? The obvious beauty heading east along the Missouri River, what sort of terrain would we discover going west? We had even spent significant time down on the riverfront years ago, how could we really have never thought to bike westward?
Just a short distance in, we discovered this intriguing tunnel, looking somewhat ominous, as sunset neared. There was mystery and intrigue surrounding it. A sense of adventure as we entered.
We were to discover incredible beauty lay on both sides of the trail.
I got to thinking about it after the fact, looking at the pictures. How many analogies to life our trip and my photos of the tunnel reminded me of.
How often do we take the path we know? The routine? The obvious? Thinking that’s the only way. Closing our minds to the endless possibilities, options, and ideas that exist in unknown territory. Then, we get so locked into our perceptions, we eventually come to think its the only way.
Having become such a divisive country over the last 20 years. How refreshing it would be to go back to a time when minds once again were open. Opinions from one another valued and examined, rather than shut down and slandered because they’re not similar to our own.
Another thought I had was the experience of traveling through the tunnel, moving through the unknown. It’s dark, a bit daunting. The mindset one is in, certain to effect what emotions are elicited upon entering and traveling. Certain to effect the experience. Some people claustrophobic, afraid of the dark or enclosed spaces, it might be uncomfortable.
When I stopped on my return trip back through, heading to our car, looking at the tunnel walls, the texture, the color, the rock it was formed out of, the echo heard within, the actual atmosphere and temperature. So much strength and power held within. So much history. It became a miniature expedition.
A final thought as I looked at my pictures, a thought that inspired new possibility. The potential for the “Light at the end of the tunnel”. The thought, so analogous of where we are now as a nation. Incredible uncertainty in every direction.
Fear, the overwhelming emotion invoked in so many as our lives have been so drastically altered. Demanded to where masks everywhere we go. Large portions of our cities closed down including schools and churches. Watching and reading stories, some of us living with it outside our front doors, of our cities filled with rioting, buildings being burned to the ground. National monuments being toppled over.
The picture of the Rocheporte tunnel, in my mind, inspires a future filled with Hope. One of a brand new beginning. Not the new beginning being pushed on us though. A new beginning that is centered in love. Not hatred and fear. This era’s spiritual awakening.
That ray of Light shining bright and getting brighter, I hang onto the image of the “Light at the end of the tunnel,” for in my world this country has only one direction to go, and that’s a place filled with peace. And, I am certain to do my part to see that it occurs, for I know … the Revolution Begins With Me.
I woke up early this Thursday morning ready to rant. Perhaps it has to do with this enormous knot I have in my left shoulder, impinging on the nerve in my left arm, but I’m feeling a bit like the “tiger” in me (2 time Tiger alum) and I’m wanting to roar.
I’ve kept to myself since the Corona outbreak in March. Watching the shut down first of our city and then of our country.
Subbing as the attendance secretary at one of the local middle schools two weeks leading up the our school district’s closing. The Universe had placed me frontline as the panic began to hit our city, being the one that fielded the phone calls from hysterical parents as speculation of what was to come began to infiltrate our area.
Spring break only a few days away, my daughter and I with plans to visit my son who is in the Navy in Florida, the pandemic not to interrupt. My background in nursing, going into that field only after becoming severely ill while finishing my last year of my microbiology degree before I was to start medical school (years later finding out I had SEVERE mercury poisoning). I had done significant study in microbiology and immunology and much of the storyline mainstream media was feeding us did not make sense.
Chastised by many for taking our trip when the rest of the country was shut down, I had learned years ago, fear was not going to stop me from living my life. Within weeks, the animosity and negativity of “friends” on Facebook made me completely unplug from the world.
The only energy I wanted penetrating my body, mind, and soul was positive energy. Glorious and uplifting energy from family and friends, but perhaps most importantly, the power of the energy I cultivate from the earth.
Living on several acres with different parts of our property sectioned off; “country life” where my large garden and our chickens live, our “backyard beach” our pool area, (this Minnesota girl’s necessary water source) and down our sloped hill leading to the creek and woods is our “Mystical Forest”.
Intuitively, the Universe had led us to this area, completely unexpected. We/I have spent the last 6 years perhaps prepping it for the dawning of this year and what was to come. We had created a mostly self-sufficient environment out of our passion for nature and the outdoors. Suddenly, I excitedly watched the masses starting to do all the things I love doing. Gardening, raising chickens, and returning to the old ways of living; becoming self-sustaining.
I started to hear from people or read articles that which I have known all my life, that there’s an energy, a vibration, that allows the spirit to calm, that relieves stress and anxiety, that brings peace to the soul when out in nature, when you have your hands in soil, and when you walk barefoot on the earth.
Anyone that truly knows me, knows there’s no better place for me to be than barefoot with my hands in the dirt. Well, not exactly true, my favorite place to be in is some body of water. Which, was the other place we were to frequently find ourselves, at the lake with my dad’s boat I had inherited.
Having left my career as a critical care nurse almost 2 decades ago, (not a difficult choice after watching people die needlessly almost daily, but that’s a whole different topic) there was much material sacrifice choosing to make my children and my own personal well being top priority. For me, the most significant, the use of my boat that sat broken and unusable in our garage for 13 years, the expanse of my daughter’s life.
The Universe being so amazing! Last fall, I was finally able to get it fixed. When spring hit, we found ourselves on the water. This began a season of unprecedented lake time. Memories to be made that will last a lifetime, not only for us, but many friends we invited to join us, giving them a break from their sequestered life in the city.
My point…is that in returning to what is REAL, in returning to Mother Earth, we will begin to rediscover ourselves. The last several decades have seen people pulling further and further inside, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and to me most importantly, spiritually. As a nation, we’ve grown bitter and afraid. Hostile. Complacent. Numbed up. Dumbed down.
It’s time we all take a step outside. Unplug from the technology that now surrounds us and controls our lives. We’ve allowed ourselves to be enslaved. In doing so, we have given away many of our God given freedoms and liberties. We’ve forgotten how to think for ourselves, and instead allow the talking heads to control our thoughts and our minds by continually feeding us nothing but lies, creating what we see now, a country greatly divided, that is literally at war with each other.
I check the news daily. Not mainstream media, for it all has an agenda, but real news, and I don’t recognize the world that exists out there. This didn’t happen over night. And change won’t happen over night. But it has begun. The swing in the other direction, to first take back our own lives, but then to take back our country.
It starts with each and everyone of us as individuals. The biggest thing I believe that needs to happen is for people to reopen their minds. Tune back into themselves. The voice within. Try to cut away from the socialization and indoctrination that has been intentionally implemented, for yes, that is exactly what has happened. We have been fed decades of lies while our once great country is being stolen away from us. Once very insidiously, now so blatantly out in the open.
We need to start asking questions. The storylines we’ve been fed do not make sense and its abundantly obvious once you lay down your political biases. We are one election away from losing this country forever. The last four years, nothing but hatred and hostility being pushed with an agenda. An agenda to take down the one president who truly has a belief in the American dream, for he has lived it. The one president who is not bought and owned by the elitists and globalists.
The clock is ticking and I truly do believe I know the ultimate outcome. I don’t know how ugly its going to get, as it’s already gotten uglier than I could ever have imagined. But, I refuse to allow myself to be a part of it. There is a huge silent majority who are waking up, finally, to REALITY. Not the reality they try to sell us on the nightly news, but the TRUTH, for there can only be one TRUTH and we have not been living in it.
I like the rest of the country, and honestly the world, wait with bated breath as each day unfolds leading to what is certain to be the most ruthless and savage election of all times, for it already has been.
For my part, I will get out and vote. Vote with an awareness of the how our once strong country is being destroyed, knowing the one man who has fought to save it has had four years of nothing but struggle with every action he has taken to return our country to greatness. The radical left doing nothing but slandering, and trying to destroy, dismantle, and remove him from office. But, bottom line, God is going to let his warriors win and win we will.
Until that day, I will keep peace in my heart and love in my soul. I will send positive energy out to all I encounter. I will be the best version of me I can possibly be … for the Revolution Begins With Me.
The United States of America is on a rapid downward spiral and I for one am not going to sit back and watch it happen. A healer, a mystic, and a visionary, I accepted my place several decades ago as a one day voice for an impending REVOLUTION.
Research and facts of the reality of what has been happening in my country for the expanse of my 55 years of life were readily discovered when I dare to begin listening to the voice within and start questioning some of the “storylines” mainstream media feeds us.
It was the Spirit of 1776 that allowed our founding fathers to win the Revolutionary War. It was the spirit and will of the people that garnered a win and put an end to slavery during the Civil War. Likewise, with Martin Luther King and countless others during the Civil Right’s movement.
That spirit has gotten lost somewhere in time. Rediscovery of our spirits is imminent!
I spent last winter not only reading and digesting my favorite yogi, Seane Corn’s new book, The Revolution of the Soul, but allowing the process of deep healing to occur.
As Sean thoroughly explains, the pain and trauma from our lifetime is deeply embedded in our muscles and tissues. Through the practice of yoga, the various asanas, those emotions are allowed to be brought to the surface, with introspective work we can allow those scars to heal and be released forever, freeing up a new expanse of energy for our souls to find new life.
I came out of what turned into a highly transformative winter through this process. I had myself aligned with the Universe, the Divine, my God. Feeling more strength, confidence, and courage than ever before in my life, yet knowing it was only the beginning.
When the Corona virus hit and our planet was basically shut down, there was surprise, but no amazement for me. Most importantly, there was no fear. I was perhaps more excited that the ignorance and complacency of the vast majority was finally going to be challenged. People were going to have to stop “partying”, start to open their eyes, and finally begin to question the truth about the country they live in.
These emotion only accelerated when the rioting began with the death of George Floyd on May 25th, 2020. Hitting particularly close to my heart, a Minnesota native, hearing first hand accounts as the Twin Cities was looted and burned. The revolution I knew was impending had been launched. Not the violent revolution, but the revolution of the soul.
Safely tucked away in my country oasis several states away, I submerged myself in the splendor and glory of Mother Earth. Enjoying perhaps the best summer of my life, knowing that my hard inner work had been done. Knowing that although difficult times lay ahead for our country as a whole, the mindfulness I had stayed focused on would keep me and my family from experiencing the pain of what others were just beginning to feel.
The battle ground is heating up as election day nears, the most significant election of my lifetime by far. Perhaps the most significant election since the days of the Civil War. I have done and continue to do my part to prepare for the possibilities of what is to come. Historical times sit on our front porch. It is up to each and every one of us to seriously hone in on that voice within. Time to get right with ourselves, our God, and the world around us.
I said decades ago, battle lines had been drawn and people needed to pick a side. That battle early this year finally made itself obviously known. Right now only beginning to build in intensity. The question remains, what part will you play? I know my answer, I chose to be a bright Light, for the Revolution Begins With Me.
Calling all mystics, lightworkers, healers, and sages, OUR TIME IS NOW!
We were born with a deeper connection to Mother Earth, a deeper KNOWING. Many of you, like me, have gone through a series of hardship and tribulation. Feeling like an alien, compared to the masses. Those times were our tests. Training for this day at hand. Opportunities to discover your own unique gifts.
Always knowing there was a deeper purpose for your life. Possessing a deeper awareness of the Life, of the Universe. A spiritual connection, that most have abandoned in search of materialism and ego status. Living in a false paradigm, you sensed your life was meant for so much more.
Many of you, over the years uncovering and honing in on and perfecting the Magick you possess within, some of you just beginning to discover your gifts.
For me, it was an awakening in nature over 30 years ago, after moving to the hilly countryside outside of Missouri’s capital city, pushing my infant son up and down rocky steep terrain, in his Graco stroller, long before jogger strollers were even a thing.
A very profound connection to Gaia was discovered, one I was aware of raised in central rural Minnesota, but one that lay dormant for several years after I left home for college.
Over 3 decades ago now, my life committed to following that calling, very consciously embarking on “the road less traveled.”
Life bringing many obstacles my way: the suicide of my father, a mysterious illness, ultimately diagnosed as severe mercury poisoning, separation and eventually divorce of my first husband (3 sons later), and my darkest most challenging times, moving to a dark, backwards part of our country, and being submerged in a world of ignorance, a world I could not comprehend.
Upon finally getting out, remarrying, and giving birth to my daughter at age 41, I was more certain than ever, my life held a much larger, deeper purpose.
By this time, I was well aware I was a healer, a mystic, an empath. I knew I possessed strong powerful gifts as I seen similar ones being displayed in my sons – sons I lovingly and knowingly called my “warriors”. Each of them possessing their own unique gifts, their own Magick.
My youngest son having gone through the most difficult, most challenging times from the age of three. Fighting against conforming to our society’s ways, especially during our “sentence” in the backwards state, the result, over fifteen years of duress.
I had always told him though, a woman of visions, a gift I strongly and firmly believed in by that point, “We will be rising as everyone else is falling.” Together we will rise higher than either of us could ever imagine.”
I sit in Pensacola, FL as I write this, at his wife’s apartment. Now a sailor at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, a select aircrew member. Last year having to jump through major hoops at the age of 23, to even be able to be accepted into the Navy because of his prior history, (I never had a doubt he would make it though!). Once waivered in, being chosen as part of the select 61st Cardinal Division in St. Louis, MO.
He has spent his life writing his own script, following his own inner voice. Never conforming, always honoring his spirit. Last year, ending in the marriage to his beautiful wife, now awaiting the birth of their first child.
Winter/spring of 2020, NEVER would I have imagined the words of my vision to be SO LITERAL. “We will be rising when everyone else is falling. …” The whole planet suddenly in the midst of an abrupt battle against a silent killer. Suddenly, the majority of the planet submerged into the unknown of an enormous liminal space.
Mystics, lightworkers, healers, and sages, we all knew – we all felt in our souls – that a time like this was drawing nearer and nearer.
After watching our planet spiral deeper and deeper into the destruction of “Western civilization” and the ruination related to subversive consumerism and egotism, this is the opportunity for the Universe to elevate into a state of higher consciousness. Snap the masses out of their lulled reverie, and bit by bit, begin to take our planet back.
We each know our gifts. We each know our Magick. We know what we were brought to this planet to do. It’s time to put them to use and do it. It’s time to open our hearts even wider. Expand our minds even greater. Elevate our souls even higher. This is not to be a time of fear, but a time for hope.
Great, wonderful, beautiful hope.
As for me, I know I’ve been patiently waiting for my time – and my time is now! I will do all I can on my part to generate permanent loving and planet healing change – FOR THE REVOLUTION BEGINS WITH ME.
I put it out there the other day, that what I wrote was my “mother’s rant”, but true to fashion, as I know myself, what I feel always comes a couple days before the actual event.
Today, is in fact the day my “Rant” has bubbled to the surface. And, it has done so for several different reasons. First, and foremost on my list though, is an extremely sad loss that I learned of yesterday.
I consider myself very blessed to have grown up in the area I did, during the time that I did, around the people that I did. Not that I would say I was really close to them at the time, but I was very aware that collectively we had something very unique, very special, and quite rare.
That being said, when my BFF of 50 plus years, was on her return home texting spree, after a funeral for her husband’s family member a couple states away, and she sent me a screen shot from a closed class Facebook account, regarding a classmate whose 26 year old son had “passed” the day before, I was beyond deeply saddened.
It had been bad enough, the few times last year when posts came across that we had lost members of our class of 144, which graduated in the year of 1983, but to think that one of them had just lost a child, was heartbreaking.
After the screenshot she sent, she sent me a more personal, and acutely disturbing text message from another classmate, as they both had children who were good friend’s with the deceased.
The cause of death was unknown, but the situation in which this young man was found, dying in his sleep, after an unsuccessful attempt at CPR. having a history of depression, anxiety, and alcohol problems broke my heart.
Beginning to write this, on a day that held immensely painful memories for myself, memories I have finally been able to free myself of after 15 long painful years, the news hit me really hard.
The “Elephant in the Room,” that no one wants to talk about, but everyone is finally growing more concerned of, due to its sky-rocketing occurrences, at younger and younger ages, is depression and worse, suicide. (Not at all saying that was what this was.)
Why someone would, or could, do such a thing, such as taking their own life, is something I understand way too well.
Not only losing my father in this manner, but fearing for many years that my youngest son would head down a similar road, and also having grappled with periods of depression myself, it’s a topic I am familiar with on a profound level.
Some time after losing my dad, back in 1994, working as a critical care nurse, and seeing several suicide attempts coming in on a weekly basis, I had heard, or read, that depression was due to an emptiness within the psyche, or the spiritual self. Being a free-spirit, and being conscious of a world most weren’t, these words spoke to me.
Especially back then, the “material” age, leading into the new millennium, with the “millennials,” totally wrapped in ego-living and pure self-gratification, the thought of spirit had all but been extinguished from the American language.
It seems that, not until the last several years, has there really started to be a resurgence of the huge role spirit plays in one’s life. Or, how, with people who suffer from depression, and other mental illness, the complete absence of the role of lack of spirit as a cause exists.
People can, and will scoff, at what I write, but I write from a place of KNOWING. A place of not just watching and observing on a daily basis, but from a place of experiencing on a personal level.
We hear endlessly about chemical imbalances, and the use of pharmaceuticals as the answer. Absolutely, yes, this plays a role, but where is the discussion of the spirit? And, the spiritual emptiness within people’s lives that lead to addictions of every type imaginable? Why mental health problems are truthfully mushrooming off the chart?
I say what I say from a personal perspective. My dad committed suicide because his was lost, broken and empty inside. Possessing a spirit, that I remember from an early age, was alive and full of energy. Full of excitement for life, and the natural aspects of the world, one’s connection to Mother Earth.
He instilled all of this energy, compassion, and love of nature into me as a child. Something I would tap more into and begin to understand in my early years of motherhood.
Depression would raise its ugly head during periods of my life, when the deeper, spiritual side of me, was not being fed. Then, when my youngest son started to profoundly grapple with the dark side of his psyche, I became very aware that I needed to dig deeper within myself to find answers for me, so that I could find answers for him.
It was only in reconnecting with all the things that fed my spirit, that fed my soul; music, movement, and Mother Earth, that healing was allowed, and the sensations of depression would be completely shed.
During that time, as the darkness within our country descended, depression and mental health issues continued to climb, with the number of suicides escalating, happening at younger and younger ages.
Our country becoming entirely spiritually devoid of any positive energy, as people became morosely engrained in the material, ego-based way of living we had been indoctrinated into, being exposed to more and more degenerative ways of living, as if they were the norm, as if we were somehow advancing as a human race by doing so.
It saddens my heart that we have had to come to this place. But, on the positive side of humanity, it is when things get bad enough for more and more people, that gradually, slowly, the masses begin to wake up.
As the multitude stop looking outside themselves for answers, and finally start doing the hard, but much needed work of looking within, reconnecting with one’s own spirit, that we begin to see change.
We are a long way from turning the “Titanic” around, but we are at the place of a new beginning. A Spiritual Awakening on the horizon, as mankind starts to reclaim all that is natural and humane. For, it is only in owning all that we possess within, the good, the bad, and most especially the ugly, that the shift will occur.
It is only in owning our frailties and imperfections as humans, it is only in not comparing ourselves to one another, but celebrating our uniqueness, it is only in not expecting perfection out of ourselves, and God forbid our children, and it is only in facing our fears head on, that we begin to make the much needed shift in healing ourselves, and then our planet.
A Spiritual Awakening is on the horizon. A claim to take back Self and the beauty that each one of us holds within. A new dawn awaits, as we begin to lift ourselves, and then each other, out of the dark abyss we have allowed our country, our planet, to become lost within.
This I know, and I will do all I can on my part … for the Revolution Begins With Me.
Feeling more like a rant on a final winter break day. A release of tensions that I hold within. Thirty-three years of what has amounted to mostly single-parenting of children under the age of 18, with 4 more to go before my youngest graduates.
The six years in between marriages, before starting over with a second husband and a brand new baby at age 41, the most draining and damaging to my psyche. A time when I was to enter an extremely Dark Night of the Soul.
A time I would eventually come to realize I had to live through, to help me understand what it is that allows me to truly preserve my mental sanity and inner being.
To focus now on what works, what helps me nourish myself, and keeps me recharged so I can pick up and move further down the road.
There is absolutely no way I could have done what I have done, first and foremost, without exercise and a healthy organic diet as a way of life.
When my youngest son was two, I started exercising (31 years ago). Never an active or athletic person as a child. Quite the opposite. Food was my comfort back then. It also was my nemesis.
The way I felt in my youth, taught me as a mother exactly how I did not want to feel. So, a move to the country, and my best friend’s wedding on the horizon, the beginning of a new life style originated.
Four years later, after the birth of my second son, helping me to deal with ongoing illness, bodybuilding entered my life. It was during this period that I really had an opportunity to look a bit deeper into my psyche and get to know me as a person.
Sudden immense grief, dealing with my father’s suicide at the age of 30, and getting through my final semester of nursing school in college, bodybuilding sustained me.
It is a life I have known ever since. Exposed to a deeper part of myself, a part foreign to most, especially back in the day. Back before organic eating was a thing. Back before the fitness craze really began to take off. Back before major egos were as deeply instilled in the American way of life, I discovered a sense of me.
A sense of me, that began as a young woman of 26. I would fight tooth and nail to hang on to her … and then to retain … when the dark forces won out and finally completely took me down.
Rebuilding that person, regaining that spirit, I knew I would rise bigger and stronger, for that is how we are created. “What doesn’t kill us, will only make us stronger.” My children my driving force, possessing a strong awareness of their psyches, I knew they needed to make it to solid ground before I finally would.
Big deep sigh of relief last year as my “baby boy” age 23, my biggest challenge, and grandest reward, would let me know he had finally made it. Digging into his deeper sense of self and joining the United States Navy. Not an easy task, as his choices and personal history through high school would continue to haunt him.
With each monumental success he found last year though, I found more and more of myself back. Healing and recovering that person I had so long ago met. Her, but then so much more, for I could never go back to the person I had been. It was more a matter of completely, consciously rebuilding and keeping the pieces and parts that worked.
Exercise, fitness, lifting, yoga, and clean healthy eating the ultimate, but not only key, for me opening my door to new found success.
Now, with the dawn of a new year, I begin with an exhausted, but renewed sense of direction. Trying to keep balance and focus as I look out on a brand new horizon, and wonder how life, my life, no longer sculpted out for me by others, will begin to manifest itself.
I don’t need answers now. I just need to know I am finally back. Back on the right road, and this time I have three strong, confident men (no longer boys) and a beautiful young daughter who will provide me strength along the way. Negative energy left behind.
I will rant on paper, or computer, and I will release my frustration and tension through my workouts, surrounded by the people that build me up.
I have reclaimed my sense of self, never to be lost again. That doesn’t mean that every day I will feel energized and amazing, but it does mean that I have won.
I have taken on the darkness and survived, for that is who I am, a fighter, a healer, a tenacious free-spirit. One that will from here on out keep her eyes focused forward and learn from her mistakes. Sitting and resting when I need to. Picking up the pieces and moving forward when ready.
I know I have made it … for the Revolution Begins With Me.