A Celebration of Me

Early birthday/Christmas celebration in Mexico.

A being of light, a mystic, and a powerful empath, living in a false paradigm that has been massively destructive to Mother Earth and nature, its been hard to ever feel as if I’ve belonged. But with the dawning of 2020, and the culmination of decades of evil finally very outwardly making itself known, I vow to never again hide in the shadows.

As perhaps the best year of my life comes to an end, I acknowledge all that life has thrown my way and the beauty and wisdom now being bestowed upon me.

I embrace ALL that God has created me to be, for He has done so with grand purpose. Age irrelevant to me, I celebrate the process, like that of a fine wine.

Life begins a new! Cheers!

Put behind me are all concerns of what anyone else might ever think of me. The superficial judgments because most are only capable of seeing what is on the surface. The opinions of people who would rather have my Light turned off than discover with me the beauty that likewise lies within themselves, are cast to the side.

I embrace the donning of the next year knowing that with each day life will only become more glorious. That beauty and splendor will continue to be shared with me in the incredible odyssey God has planned.

I will begin each day LIVING IN THE MOMENT. Eyes wide open to experience each new facet of this extraordinary life in this extraordinary time of living.

I set an intention, with a calm heart and a gentle mind, to appreciate not only the big milestone moments, but also the magnificence in all the simple things about life that typically get overlooked.

I open my heart to the passion that lies within, and in doing so, return to the person I once was, in sharing the compassion it longs to share.

I open my mind wider to all the truths and wisdom of Reality and the Higher consciousness of living. Closing any avenues that would otherwise allow the propaganda and brainwashing by the controlling forces entry. Refusing to be affected by the fear-based living desired from the powerful elitists.

Perhaps most significantly, I open my soul to the light that lies within, giving it permission to shine brighter than it ever has. All barriers removed to God’s power that lives deep in my soul. Embracing the strongest aspect of my human self that has struggled so hard to find a place in this world.

I grant myself permission to end the last half of my life honoring all aspects of my being, but most importantly my soul, and letting it shine as brightly as humanly possible.

In doing all of this, I invite every being I encounter, in person or in written word, to do the same. To embrace ALL that they are. To go within to the deep scarey, yet profoundly rewarding aspects of self, tapping into the tremendous gifts and energy of human potential. Allowing transcendence of the false paradigm that holds humanity captive.

I encourage each and ever person looking for a better world to live in, a more sustainable planet to pass on to those who come after us, to look closely at their beliefs. To open their minds to the possibility that they have been living in the world’s largest lie, all in the guise to suppress the tremendous potential that exists within each and everyone of us. To discover the planet’s largest untapped natural resource, the God given gifts we each possess.

I celebrate my day of birth not only for me, but for the wish and desire that all of humanity discover their potential that will offer to them a more powerful and fulfilling way of life. Because…Revolution Begins With Me.

Namaste.

The Simple Things

Finding my daughter’s hibiscus plant with not only an open flower, but with two more buds ready to soon blossom, and one bud on one of my larger plants doing the same, it truly made me stop to acknowledge the beauty of the simple things in life.

The hibiscus one of my favorite flowers, always thriving in Missouri summers, I wasn’t even sure this plant would survive, bringing it in a bit too late, removed from a spring project we created together.

The frost having already arrived this fall before I got it transplanted. Most of the leaves damaged by the cold. Placing it in our big open south facing living room windows. It has thrived with a bit of TLC and water.

Lingering in the after glow of our trip to Mexico. Pondering on the wonderful Mexican people we met throughout, and the happiness that was infused within all whom I met. Living much simpler lives than most Americans, yet so much more at peace and filled with true joy.

It got me reflecting on an all time favorite quote from Henry David Thoreau, one I acknowledge in the first chapter of my book, The Advocate, as it was a quote that inspired me to take the “Road less traveled” and live from a similar life’s perspective, while following the guidance of Frost’s words in his infamous poem.

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. … I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.” Thoreau

Time, most especially this year, has made me realize I truly have lived a life far off of the beaten path. One that at times was difficult, not so much in my sacrifices, but with my mind’s comparisons to others.

Watching my children as they grew. Knowing they knew their lives were much different than most. Yet, knowing deep in my heart and soul that one day they would appreciate the way they were raised and acknowledge, that yes, perhaps their dear old mom did know best.

Those days have arrived, as they mature into fine young adults because of my choices. I sit back and look more at my life for a change. Acknowledging my kindred connection to Thoreau and the fact in many ways, I have become the new age version of the words he once professed.

Living simply doesn’t mean living with less. It means living more deeply with the important facets of life not being those of material means. But rather, the beauty and splendor of what Mother Earth has to offer.

Sunrise over the Caribbean. Best part of the day.

The energy created, the life generated, when we nurture her splendor and beauty, as opposed to stripping and depleting her of natural resources for our own selfish wasteful material desires.

I have never been embarrassed by the way I live, but I have been very conscious of the way others would look down on me, and my family, thinking they somehow lived a more fulfilling life. This year, especially though, I embrace that part of me with even more vigor.

I embrace life with a more abundant bouquet of energy. And, I celebrate my experiences as I take my enjoyment of the simple things Mother Earth continues to bless me with during all the seasons of the year, and all the seasons of my life.

My yoga kitty Ozzy! Constant reminder to find your bliss in every minute.

I give thanks to my kindred brother Thoreau, for educating me on the important tenets of life at such a young age, and for the rewards it has allowed me to reap along the way, with the truly big harvest soon to come.

I open a door to sharing with others. Encouragement. Guidance. Support. In educating, that there is a much better way to live than chasing the almighty dollar and the materialism and endless consumerism that comes with it, leaving one feeling empty and unfulfilled at the end of the day, at the end of one’s life.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Mother Earth’s magic everywhere.

The pendulum is swinging back to the more simpler ways of living. I smile and thank God for giving me the foresight to be aware of what I had so many decades ago. Here to be a Light for others as the old paradigm begins to collapse in upon itself and a new one begins to open. A much more loving and peace-filled world awaits up ahead.

My life’s purpose to be a bridge to help other’s cross because … Revolution Begins With Me.

Namaste.

Life’s Lessons Due to CoVid

Once we realized the corona virus was here to stay, and that masks were going to be mandatory, our 14 year old daughter, starting her 9th grade year, decided to be 100% homeschooled.

I agreed with her decision, already not overly excited about many dynamics within the public school system, watching first hand as a temporary employee since her start in kindergarten.. Most significantly, the direction of the curriculum and the decline in actual education. My oldest having started in public school over 25 years ago, it was an obvious alternative.

My life’s choices years ago, and the fact school wasn’t “in person”, meant I would be available for one on one instruction with her. Fascinating, in my mind, how the universe works, putting me in the position of teaching in the middle schools over the last several years. I feel I was prepped just for this moment.

I obtained a list of the curriculum she would have had in public school. With the help of her piano instructor who has homeschooled for the last several years, we were given a litany of the best home school options. We chose one we felt would give her the best well rounded and most organized learning.

Being in band, playing the French horn, we also made arrangements for her to have in home private lessons with a local band instructor, someone recommended as the top hornist from the instructors at the local state college.

Well aware her home school class schedule was more intense compared to what she would have had at public school, we knew it would mean commitment and self-discipline on both of our parts. I also knew she had the qualities within her to make this feasible, an end result to help prep her for college.

Having the flexibility at the very beginning of the year, we were allowed opportunities we would otherwise not have been granted. Come October though, it was time to find routine and get locked into a more daily schedule.

Frustration on both or our parts was confronted as we began the process. Her homeschool program setting out a specific daily schedule. One we both initially felt we needed to stay locked into, having a set school end date in mind.

Initially, I found myself getting overwhelmed. We had to repeat certain topics multiple times because the information wasn’t sinking in, especially when it came to French, a topic I studied years ago, but by far something I’m prolific in. Fortunately, we are blessed with a friend who is a middle school French teacher who has offered her help when it’s needed.

Somewhere through the course of this month though, the idea of “LETTING GO” started easing into my mind, well honestly, into my whole being.

Still releasing the bonds of a time in my life when I had to live in “survival mode”. Something many are just beginning to enter now, I know what that strong hold on self feels like. Extremely oppressive at times.

I’ve been working my way back to a place of equilibrium, having been an undertaking since my youngest son made it out of school six years ago.

The “Letting go” process gradually becoming more of a daily sensation. The “Just Be” mentality starting to take over.

We don’t have to get everything done in one day just because it’s on her agenda. We don’t have to keep pushing forward if she’s not grasping a subject. We CAN stop and take time to make sure she really understands what she is being taught. Or, better yet, stop just to enjoy a rare moment in life.

Funny thing, as I find myself becoming more relaxed about teaching, and the pace we take, although she’s still a teen and grumbles at times about having to do school work, I find her enjoying the time we spend together, learning much more. There’s more laughter, more creative and diverse discussions. I’m sensing this is only the beginning.

We do have a rare opportunity, not saying there’s not huge financial sacrifices, but that’s not new. I/we have been making those since I decided to leave the nursing profession almost 20 years ago.

My priority is my children. And each and every one has taught me valuable lessons. Because I was not locked into the daily grind of a career, I have been able to really focus on the value of what each one of them brings. Truly making my life rich and rewarding, something money can’t buy.

As my years of parenting adolescent children nears its end, I am poised to learn what my sole daughter has to teach me, as I watch her grow into the beautiful woman she is meant to become.

My bottom line take away lesson…Life is short. Each and every moment is so very precious. I have four more years left with my daughter, and an intention to “Let go” of any preconceived ideas. I plan to live in the moment and make those years our very best.

Great change in our country is inevitable. It’s already happening. I’m the one who decides what my life becomes in the process. For me there only is one option and that’s to live in the moment … for the Revolution Begins With Me.

A Place of Gratitude

(What are you grateful for today?)

Another morning waking up and feeling extremely grateful for all that life/God has blessed me with. A moment to reflect:

I am grateful for my bed and the early morning moments of laying in it and hugging my pillows.

I am grateful for the world of white I see on the autumn trees outside my window.

I am grateful for the fire casting warmth in the fireplace downstairs.

I am grateful for a fresh cup of coffee.

I am grateful for our 4 furry friends waiting by their food bowls, (most quietly, 1 not. Lol)

I am grateful for my husband who works so hard and spends long hours away from home to allow me to appreciate the things I am grateful for.

I am grateful for my amazing family and all my wonderful friends.

I am grateful for Jen and the laughter she fills my life with, for she is one of a kind, and deserves her own line.

I am grateful for my health and that of my family.

I am grateful for the crow of our roosters outside my door and the flock of hens keeping warm in their coop.

I am grateful my 14 year old daughter who has transitioned into homeschool as dedicated and motivated as she is.

I am grateful for ALL of my sons (& the women in their lives) and the fabulousness they bring to the world.

I am grateful for my daughter’s musical talents and all the delightful sounds of instruments she brings to our home.

I am grateful I have a gym that is open and doesn’t require you to wear masks to work out.

Most importantly, I am grateful for God and His grace, and all that He has given me, and all that he has planned for me in my years ahead. … For Revolution Begins With Me.

What are you grateful for today?

Pushing ‘Reset’ For the Year

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Never someone who’s liked to make New Year’s resolutions, I prefer to practice certain life style choices, honing in tighter as the seasons change.

The beginning of a new year though, always the most significant time of reevaluation. What worked and what didn’t over the past year? Refocusing on my life’s direction and goals that I have set in all areas of my life.

This year, one of my goals is to dive deeper into the spiritual practice of yoga, following the guidance of one of my most inspiring yogis, Seane Corn. Her new book, Revolution of the Soul: Awakening To Love Through Raw Truth, Radical Healing, and Conscious Action, opening my eyes even wider to the power of what one person’s actions and thoughts can accomplish

It is with the 8 Limbs of Yoga, more specifically the 5 Koshas, that I reevaluate my life’s practices and disciplines.

The Physical or Food Body

From a physical viewpoint, this is our bones, muscles, joints, and  tissues. One aspect of caring for the Physical body means focusing on eating habits.

Taking in only clean, organic, earth friendly foods, I still follow my life long bodybuilding diet, which consists of high protein white meat, fish, and free-range eggs, carbohydrates with a high glycemic index, (sweet potatoes, winter squash, brown rice, ect.), a variety of green leafy vegetables, and dairy, primarily in the form of milk.

And, of course, WATER! The most essential nutrient. Something I am always trying to be more cognizant of, especially this time of year.

Food to me, also means that which my mind and spirit are ingesting. Being diligent of the negative I am exposed to in my life, cognizant of the people, thoughts, and words that I allow into my space.

Being focused on my body keeps me in the present moment, grounded in my experiences, and able to investigate what I am experiencing physically. (A key factor in events that are currently unfolding in my life.)

The Energy Body

The Physical Body covers the Energy Body, it is composed of the subtle life-force energy called prana, also known as Chi in Traditional Chinese Medicine. It is the vitalizing force behind every atom, cell, organ, and body system.

Prana coordinates every physiological activity, from pumping the heart to the elimination of waste. Imbalances or blocks within this energetic body greatly affect the overall functioning of the physical body.

Refocusing on the vigilance of my habits and diet, including getting more fresh air and being out in the sunshine – which is the ultimate source of prana – will help me stay sharp and focused, increasing my energy level, (keeping me sane after 33 years of having children under the age of 18, with 4 more years to go), and stabilize my mood and ability to be open and more receptive.

The Mental Body

One’s third layer of being, ones Mental Body, relates to the Central Nervous System. It corresponds to one’s mind and emotions and is expressed as one’s thoughts, feelings, and sensations.

One’s breathing is highly connected to one’s state of being, why Prana is vital to a person’s overall state of well being.

Something I never really gave thought to as a bodybuilder, though something I focused on every time I lifted. Yoga helped me to understand the importance in what I had been doing and helped me grow more diligent in my practice.

Asana, the yoga movements, and/or my days in the gym, help me move any agitation out of my mind and into my body so I can identify it and release. This, something definitely neglected in my life over the past several months as events had me focused in other areas. Perhaps, one of the most significant places I need to be placing my attention moving into the new year.

The Wisdom Body 

The Wisdom Body is your inner knowing. Through coordinating breath with movement one becomes more present in the moment. This synchronizes the physical, energetic, and mental bodies. Only through time and these practices have I been able to attain a more internal awareness of my Wisdom Body.

Underneath ones endless stream of thoughts, feelings, and sensations lies an inner knowing and higher intelligence.  Your intuition, conscience, and the reflective aspects of  your consciousness are all parts of your wisdom body.

Through decades of lifting, and years of yoga practice, greater awareness and deeper insight into the nature of who I am, and how I relate to the world around me, are being attained.

Another one of my bigger goals this year, to work on keeping my mind quieted to discover an even deeper sense of self, guiding me further down the road of manifesting my visions.

Through meditation and quiet reflection, I hope to engage further my wisdom body, or discerning mind. Through focusing on my breathing in and out from my heart, and reading more spiritual texts- the food that nourishes my soul- this area of my being will ever continue to expand and grow.

The Bliss Body 

This is the subtlest of the energy bodies and is connected to our awareness with our highest Self or Spirit. It is the deepest layer of our being and the core of our existence. Our bliss body is where we experience the unbounded freedom, expanse, and joyousness of our true nature.

The Bliss Body is one I tap into when I work out, when I dance, whilst writing, and any time out in nature. It’s like a coming  home. There is a sense of peace and connectedness during which time ceases to exist and consciousness expands beyond the limits of my body.

This place I may not have put words too, but I know I have found in our Oasis, the little piece of heaven we have carved out for our home. The key for me, and another of this year’s foci, to learn how to tap into and sustain this a bit longer when going out in the outside world.

Moving Forward

I have always said, if I am not growing and learning, I don’t want to be living. Moving past a place of healing, I strongly embrace the passion I hold within for life, and look forward to the adventure this year takes me on, for it will certainly take me deeper into the expanse known as Self. Excitement abounds as I move further along the road less traveled … for Revolution Begins With Me.

 

The Phoenix Is Rising

Pheonix rising

Spirit and energy, words that took on new meaning a quarter of a century ago. A time when I truly embraced the fact that I was a free spirit.  Something everyone in my young life seemed to want to stifle except for my dad who was also a free spirit.

It was the beginning of a brand-new journey, totally embarking on The Road Less Traveled. Two roads diverged in the woods and I, certainly, took the one less traveled by.

My eldest son who was two at the time helped me embrace the inquisitive spiritual side of my being. I let him take the lead and we followed his curious, creative, and highly energetic spirit down new untrekked territory. He gave me the strength to dig within, to heal wounds that needed healing, then to venture down new avenues, previously, I never before would have embarked on.

Five years later, with the birth of my second son, my spiritual sense grew even stronger. At the time, my life was in a place of total transformation, one I embraced completely and passionately.

At the time, the biggest part of this alteration was entering the gym and making the weight-room my new home. It was an environment that allowed instant transformation. I embraced the lifestyle of a bodybuilder.

I was given the gift of a friend, also a fellow bodybuilder, one who possessed a strong knowing of a deeper spiritual world. His mother had been 100% Cherokee Indian. He was raised in the beauty of the Ozark mountains and had been taught an appreciation of Mother Earth.

He spoke of the Earth’s energy. Although, I had never heard these words before, it was something I felt deep in my core. Unspoken words of my father, yet passionately, instilled within me growing up in rural Minnesota, surrounded by the magnificence of my native land.

My friend would speak to me of energy. How I possessed a strong powerful aura. How to care for and manage this gift. How to remove the Ego from my being. He would speak to me of worlds I had never known, worlds most people don’t know exist, deeper levels of consciousness.

His words were completely foreign to me, and although I couldn’t begin to grasp their enormity, I knew they held truth because I could feel it. Over time, my appreciation would grow.

Life would throw me many curveballs; the birth of a third son, ongoing health problems, (later to discover related to severe mercury poisoning,) divorce and alienation from family, and my father’s suicide. All I knew was to go deeper into the spirit world I had uncovered and further down the road less traveled.

I had been living in Minnesota, working as a critical care nurse in a Level 1 trauma hospital, encompassed by trauma and death on a daily basis, yet surrounded by people who would feed and nourish my spiritual quest. I was raised Catholic, but Christianity took on new meaning. God’s love more real.

Suddenly, I found myself faced with a new conundrum, the challenge to move my family to a foreign land (what some call Oklahoma). Committed to listen to the voice within, with the spiritual support from the hospital’s chaplain, Greg, someone who would become an integral part of my survival, I moved. Almost instantly, I found myself submerged in complete darkness.

Mother Earth’s rewards that fed my soul were instantly gone; the freedom that movement and exercise created, the purifying quality of the lakes from my youth, the empowerment of the greenery and environs discovered in my awakening land, and the seasons that cultivated my spirit had all vanished.

Surrounded by desert terrain, my spirit began to shrivel. My world instantly flipped upside down. All that I had learned over a lifetime, suddenly was reversed. I somehow had fallen into a dark void and could not comprehend.

Five years into a six-year sentence, at the age of 40, the negative forces won out. After a lifetime of fighting to hang onto my free-will, stay true to my spirit, I was finally broken. My spirit had been eroding away, but precipitously, it was left in ashes.

The choice was to surrender to death or commit myself wholeheartedly to a power greater than myself. Humble my physical being to the energy within, leading me into an alien world. I succumbed. The love of my children was my food source. It kept me moving, kept me focused.

One of my life’s mottos had always been, “The only way through it, is through it,” so with a stronger faith in God than ever before, onward I went.

Dark energy trying to swallow me unlike ever before, I stayed more grounded and attentive than ever before. Time would yield my reprieve. I finally received my physical freedom, allowed to move back to a land that had always felt like home, Columbia, Missouri.

In the midst of the darkness, I always heard a powerful voice telling me, “They have no idea who you are. You have no idea who you are.”

I knew at my core I possessed an imperious gift for healing. I witnessed it on countless occasions as an ICU nurse. It was my time to turn within and use those gifts on myself and my family. Time became irrelevant. The material world unfamiliar.

Far so distant, I could not recall what it felt like to possess that deep spiritual peace that so long ago had fed my soul. I would hear words or see visions and follow them. They would bring me closer, lift the dark energy. Allow forgiveness of myself and others to occur. Transcend.

Last fall the words became clear, “Free at 53”. My 53rd birthday on the horizon, I committed to a new workout regime, not rigid, but daily free-flowing. I knew exercise, nature, and music would return my freedom.

I began walking our 3 ½ acres more frequently. The land we had cleared at the bottom of our backyard hill, near the creek where a new fire pit had been put in, commenced as a sacred ground. I would walk “the stations” nature had provided for me, allowing my mystic self to unfold.

I didn’t know what would emerge. It seemed like it would magically occur on my birthday. Though a wonderful memory was created, it didn’t happen that way. I knew I was absorbing the powerful energy of my children, but time would be needed to transform.

New Year’s Day passed. Anxiety suddenly replaced the wonderful peaceful energy I had been experiencing. A few more days to ourselves before returning to school and work, we lounged around the house, trying to keep those emotions at bay.

One morning lying in bed, I felt nudged to organize some papers that had piled on my dresser. I took out the box that contained all my important files. Sorting through them, I ran across several from the dark days of my past. One of my “stations” in my sacred land was the old fire pit where I would walk by and imagine burning any negative energy that still lingered within.

With a fire blazing in the basement wood stove, I knew it was time for me to burn any remnants of my past. I immediately gathered all my painful dark memories and tossed them in the fire. It was time. It was what needed to be done.

The next morning upon waking, I called my dear friend Greg, who had become my spiritual guide over the years. We had nurtured a strong spiritual bond. I told him of my past weeks experiences and how it had commenced the prior morning. He affirmed what I had done stating, “You’ve burned all the negative energy.”

As with the frequent magic of Greg’s words, it was almost instant, an energetic shift. Any lingering negative energy resolved. I was placed in circle of peace. A place of calm. A place of love.

In my mind, I had been reflecting on the 12-year anniversary of the moment my spirit went up in smoke, left in ashes, January 5th. It was no coincidence that I had found those papers and burned them just 3 days prior.

The 5th passed with new unfamiliar emotions within my being. Peacefulness. Bliss. Harmony with the earth. Harmony with myself. I was feeling life anew. My senses were heightened. Colors more vibrant. Sounds clearer. Taste more flavorful. Touch more alive.

It instantly came to me. After decades of struggle and years of darkness my freedom had been given back. The phoenix was rising.